Tim L.
Class of 85’
Realistically my story is no different than anyone else that has seen those doors. Drugs, alcohol and bad behavior, like I said nothing different than anyone else. It’s been a long time since I even tried to articulate those thoughts, feelings and actions that put me in the situations I used to get into back in my days.
One thing I do know for sure is that 26 years later is not many days go by that I don’t practice something I learned at The Family to improve the quality of life and situations I find myself in. Truly the things I learned up in that little farmhouse have made the difference in my life today.
For years I always negatively glorified that part of my life because it seemed as though it was better to be viewed as a tough guy than a scared young kid. From the time I was 13 or so until I was 21 things were crazy to say the least. Everything I did revolved around my own insecurities. All the negative behavior wasn’t being tough, it was me reaching out for approval; it was my way of reaching out for friends. Today I have the tools to guide myself through hurdles and failures without taking them so personal. Now I don’t have to medicate myself to overcome those emotional challenges.
Everything got out of control, no element of my life was manageable. Within the first few years of it the consequences for my actions grew greater. This kind of buffoonery went on for years in a very circular fashion. Clearly no lessons were being earned.
Everyone tried to help me, but over time everyone got burned because of my attitude and disrespect.
I had become uncontrollable. I refused to go to school, or obey my mom and dad.
So after a short time in a juvenile lock up and six weeks in a full rehab, I came to The Family. I could write a list of all the terrible things I had done, but in the end what got me there was my attitude and my recklessness. I didn’t care about anything, and I was smarter than everyone else. I didn’t see that for a long time while I was there. I kept my mouth shut, played by the rules, and over the course of time
I learned a lot.
It was a gradual process by which I had to come to terms with myself. I learned people liked me for who I was, and not the wild things I did. I developed a strong work ethic, and I started to feel a sense of accomplishment when I did something. I learned to trust and believe that everything will get better in time if you do the right thing. I learned the one rule I think matters most, which is to love your brother, and that everyone is your brother. Love is opening a door for a stranger, listening to a friend in need, helping a stranger change a tire, and being kind in thought and action towards all.
I realized over time that if I just did the right thing and applied spiritual principles to my life, I didn’t need the acceptance of others. With my heart and core at peace, I don’t need the acceptance of others, or to drink myself so silly I don’t know where I am or what I am doing. I don’t have to get sick or do something stupid.
There is no way this all came over night, but it is how I try to live my life now. I struggled for a long time and saw trouble after I left the family, but while I was there I learned the tools that saved my life, and helped me keep it on track for twenty or so years now. Some people leave there, and never come back; some die. I was a lucky one and appreciate everything that I have in my life.
I have never forgotten where I was. I am blessed and I know God has given me a new lease on life. I am grateful for everything and I don’t try to tell myself that I did anything to get me where I am today.
That’s about the best I can do to really explain where I am today. I have been relieved of the crazy obsessions I once had, and I understand that that comes with letting time heal all that I once had wrong. The reality is that spiritual principles can make a world of difference if you apply them in your life the way they are meant to be applied. If you apply them because you think they will cure the internal motivations to do the buffoonery you have been doing, they won’t work. You have to learn to choose to do the next right thing.
