By Andrew S.
Waking up in my bed, I roll over to a phone that is lit up with 40 new text messages all from the same person. My first instinct before even leaving my bed was to pick up the phone and call her. “Hello… Where are you…? I’m coming to pick you up.”
Twenty minutes later I was back in the red Camry, which smelled like the stale smoke of menthol cigarettes and was filled with CD cases stained white as snow by the powder of my addiction, sitting next to the girl I thought that I loved.
This was the daily routine that led me closer and closer to my demise until eventually the decision was made to change what I could not. After therapy, a psych ward, and an intensive outpatient, it became apparent that I needed a long-term program.
All the professionals agreed that I was hopelessly dependent on my girlfriend and there was no way I had a shot at recovery from drugs or anything else unless I ended or was removed from the relationship.
I didn’t do this and was still using so it was time for a couple of months in the woods and a new school for a price that I would not think of spending on myself.
However, this large sum of money was not money wasted.
It finally hit me after being at the school for a long while that I had a problem with dependency on not just drugs but people as well.
This is typical of most addicts because switching dependencies is how they often cope with the absence of their primary addictions.
Learning to cope with life on life’s terms is a very different thing than switching your dependency. I can’t just go through my day isolated with the people or things I am dependent on and am comfortable around.
This stops me from developing mentally, emotionally, spiritually… you name it.
I have had experience in learning this throughout my stay at the Family Foundation School, but I feel the best example of my dependency working against me happened just a few months ago when I didn’t even realize the problem was still there.
I had two very close friends at the beginning of this semester that had been there for me throughout my stay and we had just started our new jobs as interns.
During Christmas break, both of them walked, leaving me at the school with kids who were supposed to be like my family but at that point felt like strangers.
I was dependent on these two friends and it had hindered my relationships with others and my growth in the program.
Although I wish they had stayed, this was really a blessing in disguise because I finally was doing what I preached: I was uncomfortable, reaching out to others, and helping people out.
Of course this realization of my dependency was not gained by my own intuition. I came to this enlightenment after long talks with my sponsor, my family leaders, other staff at the school, and students as well.
As this is my last column, I felt it necessary to leave my readers with the most important lesson that I have learned during this stage of my life.
In case you, as my reader, have not caught on yet I’ll say it rather bluntly.
Dependency is not just a drug problem, it’s a problem that faces us in all aspects of our lives and that is why the 12th step says, “…carry this message to other alcoholics and practice these principles in all our affairs.”
I’d like to say thank you to Chris Stein for inspiring me to write the column this month and for all of his help. I’ve really learned what it means to have a boss as both a mentor and a friend.
Best of luck to The Family Times and all of my readers.
