By Alexa S.
Before I came to The Family Foundation School, I was living in a fantasy world. I thought that I was invincible and could basically do whatever I wanted to. My life was full of drugs, alcohol, fights, and stealing from people. After a while it became very repetitive. Although it was repetitive I found that I was addicted to my lifestyle and the image I put on for people; so even when I didn’t want to live that way anymore I had to.
When I arrived at FFS, deep down inside of me I knew that something was wrong, but I wouldn’t ever bring myself to admitting that I had a problem. I thought I would be able to put the harder drugs down but I still felt that it would be alright to smoke weed every once in a while. I thought that for a sixteen-year-old kid, what I was doing was normal.
After being at the school for fourteen months, I had done a lot of work on myself and wanted to be sober. I had a lot of reservations from my old lifestyle, but I didn’t see them as a big deal because of my desire for sobriety.
I turned eighteen and a week later decided to leave because I thought that since the majority of the people in the world who were sober never came to FFS, I didn’t need to be here. I thought that the work part of my life was over and since I had the desire to be sober, I could make it in the real world on my own. Two days after I left, I didn’t have a place to stay and resorted to getting high because I had nothing. I eventually found a place to stay and ended up living in Hancock, New York for two weeks.
My life basically consisted of getting high and living the way I did before FFS because I needed to cover up the miserable feeling I felt inside. Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore. I had no money and the people that really cared about me were encouraging me to come back to the school.
On the surface, the prideful part of me claimed that I really didn’t want to go back to the school, but in all honesty I wanted to go back more than anything. So I made the decision to come back.
Over the next few months I really did a lot of honest work on myself, and my life started to get better.
I received an anchor (residential assistant) and I also became the library intern for the following semester. I was really trusted and had a great relationship with my family and the people around me. But the “pink cloud” I was living under eventually passed and when things started to get hard I gave up.
I began to be dishonest and eventually stopped caring about myself and others once again. I realized that being dishonest at the school when you are eighteen is really hard, and came to the decision that all I wanted to do was get high. This really showed when I decided to leave again with my “best-friend” at the school. So my friend and I left, immediately got high, and continued this for a week. I eventually was convinced to come back to the school by some friends because I was supposed to graduate in four months. I went back only wanting a diploma; I really didn’t want any part of recovery.
When I arrived back at the school I continued to live in this negative mindset for a few months until one day reality finally kicked in. I was set to graduate in one month but in my heart I knew that I wasn’t ready. I also knew that if I didn’t stay sober when I left my life would be out of control and I didn’t want to live that way again.
So I talked with my sponsor and made the decision to stay at the school for an extra six months and graduate in December instead of June because it would be the best thing for my recovery.
This was one of the best decisions I have made in my life. Today, I realize that I cannot manage my life on my own and that I need to turn my life over to God every day. I believed in God before I came back to the school but now I feel that I have a real trust and faith in him.
Helping other people out is also a huge part of my life today. I have realized that if I want to stay happy I need to get out of myself and be there for someone else. Sometimes all a person needs is someone to talk to who will listen to them.
Overall, my life has been a series of ups and downs, but I now know that happiness is possible. My advice is to be honest in everything that you do and always remember that it is okay to make mistakes; doing the next right thing is what’s important.
