By Ross A.
I had a countdown for December 12, the day my friends graduated, and the last high school graduation I would witness here as a student. I had one thought coursing through my mind: I’m next. The day finally came when the reality hit me: I was graduating in six months. I thought about it day in and day out for a while, until my constant discussion of a graduation trip with two of my friends landed us on blackout with each other, not being able to speak, and earned us a table topic about being “out the door.”
“Out the door” is the term commonly used to describe a state of mind that every Family Foundation School graduate is familiar with. It means that one is so intently awaiting something yet to come that he isn’t mentally where he is supposed to be: in the day. At FFS it almost always refers to seniors being excited to graduate; their mind is figuratively out the front door; they are already gone.
This feeling in me eventually settled and I then experienced a milestone in my final six months at FFS. On January 24, we graduates had our exit letter workshop. We wrote letters to our parents discussing how we expect things to be when we graduate, and are currently awaiting responses from them telling us what they expect from us. I began to wonder, “Are we doing this too soon? Graduation isn’t for five months.”
The necessity of the workshop was explained to me, and I realized that I must plan, but must also find balance. I need to learn how much conversation regarding graduation, even regarding the future in general, I can handle and still be able to be content, be of service to people, and stay in the day. It is truly a struggle though. Even writing this article serves as a catalyst for a mental vacation, with the beautiful, sunny destination of June graduation.
Some graduates have day countdowns, some have week countdowns, these are statistics I’d simply rather not know. I usually ask other graduates not to verbalize their day counts around me, but students aren’t the only ones reminding me of my impending departure. I even have to ask my mother to stop reminding me of graduation. She loves to allude to the brevity of my remaining stay in every letter and phone call we have. I sometimes think she may be more excited than I am.
Of course, it is normal for a senior to be excited, as I am, but I need to keep clear just how much excitement is good for me. I must also be considerate of the newer students who are not going to be leaving with me. I have to remember the feeling of being a junior, enviously listening to the seniors boast about graduating, knowing that I had a long arduous road ahead of me.
I also believe that along with benefiting my present spiritual fitness, staying in the day paradoxically benefits my future as well. The less I think about the road ahead, the less prone I am to make a grave mistake right now that could be detrimental to the future that I am planning.
While searching for a healthy balance regarding graduation, I have found myself with one foot in and one foot out — my consciousness split between the present and the future. I am finding out that even while planning for my future, I can spiritually and emotionally have both feet in today. It seems that focusing on the tasks at hand and having my heart here now, is the best option I have.
I have many tools that I use to make this difficult task a little bit easier. Getting out of myself and being of service to other people is my biggest aid. It takes the focus off me and my problems. I also try to focus on what is directly in front of me.
Ultimately, I have to keep catching myself when I get caught up in anxiety about the future, and remind myself that all I need to focus on is today.
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