Marriage: A Beauty Contest?

By Ross A.

Decades ago, marriage was different; it was universally considered a sacred institution, or so I’ve heard. When a happy young couple shared their vows, they meant it when they said “until death do us part.” Nowadays, it seems that the vow ought to be, “until I am not attracted to you anymore, or it’s inconvenient.”

Marriage has, for some, become a sometimes hasty decision made when a couple reaches the peak of their infatuation with each other. Erotic obsession eventually dissipates, and the marriage becomes mundane, fights break out; suddenly it just doesn’t seem to be a match.

I think the problem lies in how people discern a worthy life partner. It seems that people have their priorities a little mixed up. I came across one abject example, an article written by Chris Illuminati of Fox News, one of the largest news organizations in the country. The article, probably read by thousands, was called “Signs She’ll Still Look Good in 20 Years.” The enthralling headline pulled me in. I was about to find the answer I had been looking for!

A portion of the article read, “Your girlfriend is everything you want in a partner: brains, a sense of humor and a body that would make any grown man blush. You are considering making this relationship permanent and signing up for the long haul. The only issue: You want assurance that she will still look this fantastic in the decades to come.”

Wow, I thought that the biggest issue would be if you were right for each other. How naïve of me! Obviously I have some growing up to do before I look for a bride.
Following the introduction were five boldfaced “signs.” Theywere as follows:

1. Her mom looks good. I wonder what my girlfriend would think if she saw me checking out her mother, not to mention if her mom caught my glance! I don’t think that would bode well for me when her father and I have the “big talk.”

2. All her friends are attractive. I’m sure my girlfriend would appreciate me eyeing up her best friend too. She would be happy to know that my interest may be askew, and her dad would be even more excited about me being his son-in-law.

3. She is already discussing plastic surgery. Vanity at its worst. Do women really have to go that far to keep their husband around? Besides, if they’re already married, then who are they trying to impress…

4. She hasn’t changed much since you’ve met. Now the goal becomes making sure she looks just the way she did when your eyes met for the first time. I think Father Time will get a good laugh at the disapointment of people who think that this moment will continue forever, and does that go for the way she acts too?

5. She has always taken care of herself. Now this one has a little sense to it. There isn’t anything wrong with someone trying to look nice. I think the problem begins when our thoughts and self-esteem revolve around it, and when one’s marriage hinges on it.

The point of all this is to illustrate the way our culture has distorted things. I, by no means, believe that there aren’t successful marriages any more. Although the divorce rate is at about 50% in America, I still connect the word longevity with the idea of matrimony. Here at FFS alone are nearly a dozen, if not more, couples who have been married for decades. The Duceys, for example, have been married for over 40 years. I also see couples who seem destined to uphold thematrimonial vows.

Michelle Wurmuth, who has been happily married to her husband for over 37 years, said, “Marriage is like a job, you have to work at it.” None of the long-wed staff that I spoke to while writing this told me that they were concerned about their spouse’s appearence. I think that the most important thing of all is who someone is, what their personality is like, and that, as Michelle said, they are willing to make a relationship work.

As for me, I guess all of these pointers must go for men, too. If I should check out my girlfriend’s mom, then she would have to check out my dad, who happens to be short, plump, and balding. I guess that just makes me poor husband material.