Punk Junkie Gives Living One More Chance
By Nick P.
In the vast land of New Jersey, in a small unsuspecting town, on a cold November morning, I, Nick P., was born. I grew up in a town called West Windsor and was raised by my mother and father.
My childhood was interesting to say the least. My mom always had me doing something, whether it was going to ethnic festivals or playing with assorted groups of kids I didn’t know. My dad tried to get me involved in sports like baseball and I hated it. I would sit in the outfield and pick weeds and tie them together to make things. My dad and I never really agreed on anything back then and as I got older our relationship got worse.
As time went on my life at home became stressful and hard to deal with; my parents started fighting a lot and I would seek refuge in my room. I learned to escape into a fantasy world and block out everything going on around me.
Fifth grade is when I really began to go downhill. I started to hate school and blamed my failing grades on depression. I got pity and sympathy and it clicked that I could use depression as a copout.
I started going to therapy and lying about problems I didn’t have. Around this time my parents got divorced and I took advantage of this situation to manipulate them into getting what I wanted.
It was during all this I found the real cure for myself, that remedy was drugs, sex, and rock & roll. Cliché I know, but it was that first time getting high that I realized I loved it and never wanted to stop feeling the sensation it gave me.
It was the summer going into 6th grade that I first had the experience; I was at a party and was hanging around with some older kids who offered me vodka and a joint.
I began experimenting with harder drugs and it didn’t take long for the experiments to become permanent. Cocaine as well as LSD started to be a way of life.
When I started high school I just stopped doing anything productive. I didn’t go to school very often and spent my whole day using; I got into meth and heroin. To fund my new lifestyle I got the idea that I could get money for my mom’s jewelry. A few weeks later I had sold just about everything she had, then I started to sell drugs. I was numb to everything and everyone. I got caught with stolen phones and iPods on the day of my 16th birthday and got sent to rehab. I got out of rehab and relapsed within a week. I joined a band that consisted of guys who were 19 to 26 and my drug use skyrocketed. During this time I was stealing checks from my mom and getting people to cash them.
After about 10 months of living this way I couldn’t take it. I was miserable and wanted to die. One night after a band practice I decided I was going to jump in front of a train. If my friend had not grabbed me at the last second I would have died.
The next day my mom found her stolen checkbook and was going to call the cops on me. I told her if she did I would stab myself and grabbed a kitchen knife and put it to my stomach. I was sent to a psych ward until my parents could figure out what to do with me.
After 10 days in the psych ward my mom and dad brought me to The Family Foundation School. For my first 11 months I didn’t do anything, I faked any progress and continued to lie.
What finally got me to change was a relapse. My friends and I had been cheeking our meds and getting high. We were found out and I was hit with the realization that if I didn’t change I would die from drug use or live a hollow, empty life alone. I started working the steps with my sponsor and started getting truly honest with myself.
I am now two months away from graduating from high school and have been accepted at Full Sail University as a film student. I recently went to visit the college and after seeing all the equipment and opportunities that were ahead of me, I was struck with a truly beautiful sense. Who am I to have such a wonderful opportunity? I feel truly blessed and I owe everything I’ve gotten to God.
