“Freedom to Choose and Freedom to Love”

FFS Senior Shares Story of Hopefulness, Willingness and God’s Grace

By Jens J.

I was born into a great family. My father and mother are both pastors and I was brought up with a strong religious background. Many people ask after hearing my story; “What the heck happened to you?” I always joke and say, “I was just the black sheep!” But the truth is a man has to make his own decisions in life, spirituality is not genetic.

My parents divorced when I was two years old and brought a lot of emotional pain in my life as well as everyone’s around me. My sister, my mom, and I, lived in Brooklyn. When I was four, my mom decided it was time to move. So we moved onto Long Island, in Hauppauge.

I always had a bad behavior problem, even what I was really little. I remember having to switch preschools because I was acting out with peers and doing other mischievous things. I also had problems in school. My mom would always say that I was upset about the divorce and wasn’t dealing with it in the right way, but the school sent me to get tested for ADHD anyway. I ended up having to take a lot of meds that turned me into a zombie, but they didn’t stop the bad behaviors.

Year after year my dosage would increase, and other meds would be added, and my attitude was shaping. The rebellious little monster inside of me started surfacing. I started to refuse my medication and I started forming a resentment with my stepfather. I got myself into a lot of trouble because I developed the idea that adults were the enemy.

I started to drink and do drugs during the summer between eighth and ninth grade. They did for me what I could not do for myself. The only problem was the effect wasn’t permanent, and I needed to keep getting drunk or high if I wanted to be happy. The drugs and alcohol took over my life. My actions centered around getting and using – no matter what!

After getting into a lot of trouble in my school and having a superintendent’s hearing, I decided things weren’t working out with my mom. Little did I know that it was really me who was broken. I never once thought that my behavior was causing my relationship with my parents to dissolve. So I decided to go live with my father in New Jersey. I started drinking and smoking a lot more than I did before. I lived life like this for about three months until January 21, 2008, when I went to an outpatient rehab.

When my drug test came up dirty in my out-patient rehab program, I landed myself in an in-patient rehab. Towards the end of my stay at Clear Brook, my mom came up and told me that I would be going to The Family Foundation School in Hancock, New York. There, I started to really appreciate everything my mom did for me. After two years at the school I started working the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

If I was left to my own devices, I would still be getting high. But by the grace of God, I was given the greatest family in the universe. I would never have made the decision for myself to stop getting high and living the life I had before the school if I had not found anything higher. But, I found God, I found family, and I found the 12 Steps.

Being sober is okay for me now. I actually enjoy it, if I didn’t, I wouldn’t stay sober. It is a way of life, one that I have been given by the grace of God and am very grateful for. When I leave the school, I am going to have a foundation to start a life of freedom. Freedom to choose, and freedom to love. I have not finished this program; it is a journey, but one that is often a lot of fun.