By Jajce W.
I was never able to sing very well or play any instrument when I was a kid, other than the piano, but I always did have a passion for listening, collecting and finding new music that I liked. I always wanted the ability to connect and “feel” the music first hand by being a skilled singer, guitarist, or drummer, but I found the next best thing: surrounding my world with sound.
Now that I think about all the years I spent listening to different bands and musical genres, I wonder how each unique style may have impacted me and the way I lived my life.
When I was a child my parents played either a happy tune like baby beluga, or relaxing music like Enya for me to fall asleep, and for the most part when listening to those songs I was either laughing and dancing or sleeping soundly. Music plays a vital role in calming the nerves and soothing the mind. Flat musical notes induce sleep, while natural notes make us more alert. Music can also improve one’s memory.
Progressing into my teenage years, my music preferences altered and led me into mainly screamo bands and vulgar rap artists. As messed up as it sounds, the music provided the feelings for me that I could not provide for myself. Rap music usually fed my anger and fueled the hatred that I experienced internally and brought it out externally. When I was already angry, rap had the opposite effect: it calmed me and brought me down from a rage. In other words it clouded my mind and it was hard for me to determine what I was really thinking or feeling and what actions I really wanted to take.
Music has a direct influence on one’s mood. This is entirely true for me and probably for most people. When I was feeling up and dancing at a party, the music took me higher. When I was miserable and played softer, slower music, it pulled me down and kept me in my depression. Music can be like a drug to the body. It became a very powerful tool for me, and it began to dictate and control my mind and the way I was feeling all the time. It can be virtually life saving, mentally and physically, but it can be equally destructive.
After listening to what is call “grunge” music for a few years, I noticed that my fatigue, tension, sadness and hostility increased. The fact that I was doing a lot of drugs was most definitely part of those symptoms; but music, I’m sure, was another factor. By the time I was a junior in high school I was already experiencing a decrease in my mental clarity, relaxation and compassion for other people. I was an irritable, unstable teen trapped in what I thought was a corrupt world.
Music was always a big part of my life, and it still is. Now the difference is that I don’t rely on it to make me feel, and I no longer give it the power to decide how I am feeling. I am able to listen to songs and artists that once brought me down, and hear them just for the sounds that they create. Don’t get me wrong. It is not as if music doesn’t affect me anymore or that I am totally apathetic to the sounds and lyrics. Feelings do come up for me whenever I hear certain music, but the actions and emotions don’t stir up and leave me unsettled for the rest of the day.
